Dirty Money

It's kind of funny how most of the stories I post to my blog, inevitably lead back to my adventures, and experiences of working at CLC, the local Christian bookstore I've been with for seven years. This is a story involving Scott A., a staffer that was with us for about 4 years. The story begins with a heavy-set black woman entering our store and perusing the various Christian diet books that promise instant salvation along with instant weight loss, which by the way, is a curious combination of loss and gain. Anyway, after browsing the diet books and holy cookbooks for about 20 minutes, she finally brings her purchases to the counter. Now this is where it gets a little interesting. Scott finishes ringing her up, and tells her her total. Maybe it was $10 dollars, maybe it was $20...doesn't really matter. It's what she does next that does matter. She calmly and purposefully reaches into her shirt, aggressively poking around under her bra, until she comes out with a slighty disheveled $50 dollar bill. Then, with a face straighter than an arrow, she says to Scott, "You don't mind a little titty money, do you sweetheart...oh, and can you break a fifty?!" Now sometimes I might sat this in jest, but this time I really thought Scott was going to have a coronary right there on the spot. I was poised to take over just in case, but Scott managed to finish the transaction without any medical emergencies, something that seemed inevitable for a few minutes there. Oh, the good times we have at CLC, and how I shall miss them when I leave.

Stuck!

This is actually a retelling of a story that happened to me a couple winters back here at CLC when there was about a foot of snow and ice covering pretty much all of South Jersey. I woke early enough to get myself to work on time knowing it was going to be a very slow drive. I even called our area supervisor that morning just to see if he even wanted us to open the store, considering the road conditions. Thankfully, I managed to eventually make it to the store with a few minutes to spare. BUT, that was when the excitement began. As soon as I put the key in the door, and started to pull the door open, I realized I had a problem. Because of the build up of ice and frozen snow in front of the door, I was only able to open the door about 6 inches, however, the alarm goes off once the door is opened even an inch. So now the alarm is going off, and I can't get through the door to reset the alarm that is only about 4 feet inside the entry. Panicking, I tried to squeeze through the narrow opening to get to the alarm to shut it off. BIG MISTAKE...I got stuck half-way through the opening, and couldn't even budge the door. So now I am stuck half in the store and half outside the store with the burglar alarm blaring across the parking lot. That was embarrasing enough, but THEN the police show up to arrest the idiot who got stuck in the doorway of a Christian bookstore while trying to make off with a load of Bible Bars! It took about five minutes and some creative explaing to get out of that one. Oh the memories.... ;-P

You Might Be A New Jersey'en...

If you approach every traffic circle with the idea that it just might kill you...You might be a New Jersey'en

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If you have a 15 year old collection of old beach tags stuffed in a utility drawer somewhere in your house...You might be a New Jersey'en

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If your idea of a gourmet dinner is Mac and Manco's and a Birch Beer...You might be a New Jersey'en

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If you've never quite grasped the fine art of pumping your own gas...You might be a New Jersey'en

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If the word 'WAWA' is part of your daily vocabulary...You might be a New Jersey'en

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If you consider Millville part of the deep south, you might be a New Jersey'en

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If you are able to accept the fact that eating 'Monkey Bread' doesn't violate your vegetarianism...you might be a New Jersey'en

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If your idea of a family vacation is a two day stay at the Cowtown Rodeo...you might be a New Jersey'en

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If you've ever had to medicate yourself before heading to the Department of Motor Vehicles for 6 hours...you might be a New Jersey'en

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And finally, If the word 'Shoobie' is part of your daily summer vocabulary...You are defianately a New Jersey'en

A Slight Change

As you may or may not have noticed, the former "Daily Blog of Thoughts and Pondereings, is now "My Random Blog of Thoughts and Ponderings". The thing is, there may be some times when I may not be able to post every day, and I certainly wouldn't want the title to be misleading, so there you go. Anyway, I shall endeavor to post as often as possible. Hopefully, starting tonight. Bye for now.

Clerks

Going to the grocery store is such an unbelievably crazy experience any more, especially on the weekends. I remember when I was a kid, and the Acme shopping center down the street was the grocery store of choice for most of the people in our area. Things were altogether different back then. There were less than a dozen cashiers on staff, and most of them were there for so long that eventually you knew everyone by name. This was also a time when a computer was a calculator, so scanners were not exactly an option. Thus, every item had to be scrutinized by the cashier in order to find the randomly placed pricetag somewhere on the product. Now this could be rather awkward at times, as you might guess. Certain items were better left un-scrutinized. So, usually you had certain cashiers to go to for certain products. Foot fungus cream...it was Marge at register 7. 'Depends' under garments, it was Eddie at register 2, or ...Marge at register 7. The worse part was when you would go back a week later, and Marge would ask you how the foot fungus was going. Marge was hard of hearing and spoke loudly...very loudly. Anyway, the reason I bring up the scanners, is because I the first time I saw the self scanners, I realized how much I liked them. I find it difficult to just run in and only buy (1) of certain products. For example, if I go into Shop Rite and bring up just one roll of toilet paper to the register, I feel shamed and embarrassed. As if I am so out of touch with my household toilet supplies, that I don't realize I need toilet paper until it's too late. Yet, with the self scanner, one can buy his or her toilet paper one roll at a time completely guilt free. More importantly, this also works with foot fungus cream.

Things REAL Men Should Avoid...(Let's See How Many We Can Get)

1) NEVER own or openly walk any dog smaller than an official NFL football.

2) NO hooks in the shower stall...Men't shouldn't be hanging anything in the shower.

3) Should NEVER be able to name more than (1) daytime soap opera, and the (1)better be General Hospital.

4) NEVER read anything on the 'Oprah Book Club' list.

5) Should NOT have a favorite color with more than 6 letters in it. ex-(periwinkle)

Cats, Party Balls, and Horseshoes

When my younger sister Brenda and I were growing up in Somers Point, we had a horseshoe pit in our back yard that we would play from time to time, usually during unauthorized, and unsupervised gatherings involving many friends and your various alcoholic beverages, usually dispensed by way of something simply referred to as a 'party ball'. Which by the way, was one of man's great inventions. When you saw someone coming out of the Circle Liquor Store carrying a 'party ball', you knew there good times ahead for that lucky person. Anyway, as to my earlier point. It was during times of non-use, that the sand in the horse shoe pit would begin to attract the area cats. I suppose in some ways, it probably looked like a huge litterbox waiting to be used. The worse part was that you never knew where or if you were ever going to grab something you didn't want to, when you played a game later on down the road. Normally, and if possible, I would offer to let some one else play a game first, and then I would agree to play the winner. It just worked out better for everyone that way...this is SUCH a rambling, random blog. I should probably go now.